Do What You Love With Passion!

It's been said that if we do what we love, it stops being a job and becomes a passion. I love to write as much as I love to design jewelry. With this blog, I will share both with you!

Monday, January 14, 2013

LOVE AND LOSS CUT THROUGH ONE'S HEART, DEEPLY

Sometimes the anniversaries of those I have lost come and go without notice.  I could be looking at the calendar and the current date will suddenly shock me into recognition that another year has come, that I am a year older, that memories of someone have grown more distant.

Not always. Sometimes, like today, my emotions don't feel very grounded. This is when I feel the loss the greatest because I am vulnerable. In a fraction of a moment, time hurdles me backwards and I am reminded again of someone loved and lost. Life is cruel at times, yes. Do I rise above it? Yes, as often as I can.

My blog today is in honor and tribute to someone I dearly loved. He was not my first boyfriend, but he was the first of many things. I met him one evening when I was living in an apartment building in downtown Portland, OR and working as a medical assistant.

The date was January 31, 1969.  As I rode up the elevator to the fourth floor, a gal next to me introduced herself. She lived down the hall from me and invited me to come in, listen to music and get acquainted.

I was enjoying our visit when the phone rang. She said the call was from her brother who was in the lobby downstairs stopping by for a visit. She hoped I didn't mind and I said no problem.

A few moments later and a knock upon the door, her brother Larry entered and Judy introduced us. Believe me when I say that time can freeze, for it did! He looked at me and I looked at him, we said hello and something softly electric happened in the space between his eyes and mine. Judy didn't have a clue, of course, but kept up friendly patter while we settled back into sofa and chairs. When it was time to say goodbye, he walked me to my door by the elevator and asked me for a date. That's how he and I began.

Skip ahead to June 6, 1969 when we were married. Precious Melodee was born in December of 1971, much loved and cherished. I was so grateful to be a stay-at-home mom, doing exactly what I felt led to do. We lived paycheck to paycheck and saving money was nearly impossible, but we were happy in our first home and owned a good car. Life was all about Larry and my girls, because in May of 1974, we were blessed with Cassandra (we called her Cassie), also loved and cherished.

Through those years Larry settled into a good career as a journeyman lift truck mechanic. He had a company truck that he was allowed to drive home each night, giving me the freedom of our car during the week. Life felt rich and complete. We didn't know we had less than two years together as a family.

I know in my heart it is not good to focus on the anniversary death of someone's life, but to remember their entire life and all that it encompassed. My situation was that without warning, without being able to say goodbye, he was killed in an auto accident and the coroner was at my front door trying to lessen my heartache.  I felt traumatized with his loss.

If the driver would have had a tiny measure of compassion for what he did, I believe it would have helped. His own girlfriend, a mother of four, died in his car as a result of his negligence and drunken state. I think his disregard and seeming indifference were covering pain that was going to send him to his own hell one day. I decided it was not drama I needed in my life. I had, thankfully, two sweet little girls who needed me and I was deeply grateful not to be left alone. My faith was my rock and what got me through each exhausting and overwhelming day that followed.

It seems unbelievable at times that thirty-seven years have passed. I look at my girls, who will be 39 and 42 this year, and wonder about time. Yes, it does electrify and freeze the  moment between two people and then has the capacity to lesson emotional pain as it goes by.

Memories of his death hurt less when I have been busy and have not lingered with my thoughts. Because I am down emotionally, emptiness and longing are triggered. I also know that what my step-mom has told me for years is true, "This, too, shall pass." She's right, it does. 

Long, long ago I was able to wake up each day and no longer feel loss stabbing me in the gut like a knife tearing me apart inside. Faith returned focus and control. With it, gentleness, peace and security descended again and I could move forward another day.

No one would wish to live without love. I cannot imagine it, for as human beings, we are meant to be with others. The loss, although it cuts deeply, is a challenge we have no choice but to pick up and carry. I believe the lesson is to see outside of ourselves, to see the greater picture. We live, we die. We have no choice but to accept this. What we do with this knowledge, how we move forward, how we act upon our pain makes us wiser and strengthens us.

Larry gave me two beautiful girls to move on with. He has never been very far from me, for I have only to look at them and see him. They are compassionate, giving adult women with common sense and street smarts. They stand for their beliefs and will get in your face if necessary, if provoked.  They laugh loudly and easily, just as he did. They work hard and have both achieved careers through struggle, aptitude and perseverance. I see him in them more than ever.

When we lose someone we loved dearly, we must find a way to move on and celebrate their life. Only in celebration do we lift the glass of sparkling champagne and say, "You, my beloved, you did well."




Larry Grant Brown
Beloved Husband and Father
May 10, 1946 - January 14, 1976




Surround Yourself with Those
You Love and Celebrate Life!












Thank you for reading and have a great day!
-Laren



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11 comments:

Shaiha said...

What a wonderful tribute to such a wonderful man.

gite said...

thanks for sharing. You must be a strong woman
greetings from Germany Gite

Sharyl said...

A sad story, but one full of love and strength. I went on to look at your other page too, Laren. I love how you got your name! I've learned so much more about you by reading these two entries. Thanks for your openness and your caring support! I hope life has many more good things ahead for you!

Pine Ridge Treasures said...

Thanks for sharing this beautiful story. I could feel the love and the strength in it. A lovely tribute to a special husband and Father.

Cassi Renee said...

It is sad that you lost him so early, but that is a wonderful love story.

Dyanne said...

I lost my husband of 7 years in 2009. It is an emptiness that can never be filled. I still miss him dearly and think of him often. Thank you for sharing your pain and memories.

Lori Anderson said...

Oh God. I'm so sorry but how lucky you had that time!

TesoriTrovati said...

Miss Laren, that is such a moving tribute to your beloved, Larry. Taken too soon, but left behind a legacy of love. May you know peace in your heart as it heals a bit more each day, no matter how long it takes. Enjoy the day. Erin

MaryL said...

Your touching story brought tears. Thanks for sharing such a tender part of your life.

April Grinaway said...

Wow..you write from the heart. Thank you for sharing such a touching story.
Peace and Love.

Christine said...

Your tribute to Larry is beautiful! Thank you for sharing!!